I haven’t forgotten about the blog at all. I’ve actually considered many times on posting and didn’t. Recently I’ve haven’t had a sensible thought. At least nothing I feel as though I could express that made any sense. But I figure that shouldn’t right? I feel like I’ve been writing everything in verse. Even though it feels odd, is there really anything wrong with that. Anything wrong with living in verse.
I can sleep ok, so it’s not depression. But there is a lack of interest in things I feel as though once enjoyed me. Movies for example. I’ve been a big time movie person for years, but recently I haven’t had the urge to go to the theater. And I’m ok with that. Looking up dumb shit on youtube. I always like laughing, but recently I haven’t come across nor scoured silly things on youtube, metacafe, college humor and so forth. And I’m ok with that. I haven’t really cared to make phone calls and have been lounging around drinking tea and ice water a whole lot.
It hailed something crazy a couple weeks ago and now my car is full of little diamond marks. And I’m ok with that. I’m ok with a lot of things actually. And bothered by others. I don’t have any control over the others though. At least I don’t think I do.
I don’t have one manuscript published but have been thinking about and working on a new one. My first one is just done. There’s nothing more I can do with it. For the most part I’m over the poems in it. I’ll still send it out and wait on rejections, but there’s no more work to be done on it.
At Cave I noticed this thread running through a lot of my poems. A lot of them had semen in them or dealt with the opposite sex in some manner. This made me go back and look at some poems I wrote before that had similar ideas and now. Finally I think I have a home for them.
I’ve also learned to love zombies. And the color orange has taken place of the color purple. Old barns and Rust.
One thing I’ve given up on is making complete sentences. And I love commas, but they haven’t been doing anything for me recently. I’ve given up on transitions and just go there.
Haven’t really cared about paying bills or shaving my face. I think if I was a women would I feel the same way about my legs. Because I haven’t cared about shaving my face. Would I feel the same way about shaving me.
I’ve remembered that one thing I have always done is not give a fuck. For some reason though I forgot this. So I’ve been taking it there. Not only in writing, but in everything. If I feel it. If it feels right. Do it. Regret is one of my worse fears.
A lot of people have been seeing something different in me. Not sure what that is. They say they’re used to the silly me. Want to see me smile again. Say I need a change. I agree with them.
Even though I can sleep, I’ve had these random moments where I just feel so tired. So tired.
Advice…listen to this song with the sound very low…